FIFA get the President they deserve

It was announced today that Sepp Blatter, the incumbent President of the International Football Federation, will be re-elected unopposed for a fourth, four year term.

The original election was planned between two equally unsavoury candidates. The other one being Mohammed Bin Hammen who is now suspended whilst under investigation for bribery and corruption. (But I thought bribery and corruption was the mission statement for this organisation?)

Mmmm – Blatter vs Bin Hammen – a bit like choosing between Hannibal Lecter and The Pied Piper to babysit – either way it was going to end badly…

There was a faint glimmer of hope that the election fiasco would be halted when, in a remarkably convenient development just prior to the election, Blatter’s opponent was suspended. Step up the Brits – calling for a pause while another suitable candidate is found. Alas only 17 other associations had the guts to support this motion.

So FIFA get the President they deserve. The President who has presided over scandal after scandal and allegations of corruption, fraud and bribery. The President who has presided over football’s governing body as International football is at its lowest ebb. Dirty play on the field and even dirtier play behind the scenes. A refusal to embrace goal line technology and a warped approach in choosing the hosts for the World Cup. Even Jerome Valcke, the FIFA Secretary General has admitted that he believes that Qatar ‘bought’ the World Cup bid vote.

This is the President who pleads innocence in the same way that the family dog looks up at you with an ‘it wasn’t me’ expression as the Christmas dinner goes missing – despite turkey juices dripping out of his mouth!

Even if Mr Blatter was an innocent bystander with all these scandals – he remains culpable as the man in charge. A headmaster may be a veritable saint but if the pupils in his school display constant bad behaviour and the reputation of the organisation falls into disrepute, eventually the school’s governors will give him his marching orders. Standing by and looking the other way in some cases means you are just as culpable as the perpetrators.

Football has not grown in reputation one jot since Sepp Blatter and his cronies have been at the helm. And now those of us who are still struggling to love the beautiful game have been dealt yet another blow. If you don’t play fair in the boardroom how can you expect fair play on the pitch?

So what can be done? Not a lot. The only way to get rid of diseased tissue or an infestation is to either cut it out or treat it with strong chemicals. Alas, neither of those are feasible or legal.

How refreshing it would be to have an ‘anti-corruption candidate as President. To have a governing body that includes representation from the fans, players, sponsors and football management. In your dreams, wisebird, in your dreams.

So it’s business as usual. Sepp Blatter is apparently committed to cleaning up FIFA’s act. There is one other thing that will receive Sepp Blatter’s constant commitment and loyalty. Sepp Blatter.

That hat – and Beatrice shows her true class.

I must put my hands up and admit that I was among the many who went to print, mocking Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie’s lack of style with their choice of outfits for the Royal Wedding. My comments weren’t particularly nasty, a little unkind maybe, but not as vitriolic as the deluge of insults that followed.

‘The hat’ became an internet sensation, with mock ups of Beatrice’s headgear showing it as a cat flap and even a toilet. And Eugenie was ridiculed for wearing an outfit that appeared to be poorly finished, too tight and unflattering.

But we shouldn’t really be criticising these young girls. It is their designers who should know better. The reason Kate’s wedding dress was such a success was because the designer, Sarah Burton, made sure that the style flattered her client, enabling Kate’s natural beauty to shine through. There was no ego involved in the creation which is probably what makes Sarah such a very special creative director for the Alexander McQueen fashion house.

It is Vivien Westwood, the designer of Eugenie’s dress and Philip Treacy, who put together Beatrice’s hat, who should be mocked. They would have been paid handsomely for these pieces, and they did not do right by their clients. 

Coco Chanel once said ‘Fashion is architecture: it is a matter of proportions’

Beatrice’s Valentino Coat and dress were beautiful, and Treacy should have crafted something in proportion. Eugenie has a lovely, curvy figure and Westwood should have created an ensemble to enhance her shape, not bundle it up.

If we are going to bang on about style, let’s not forget that a bigger faux pas was the Prime Minister’s wife, Samantha Cameron not even wearing a hat at all – at least the Princesses cannot be accused of failing to join in with the spirit of the occasion.

So - 9 /10 for Prince Andrew’s daughters and 2/10 for Treacy and Westwood.

At the end of the day, none of this really matters – and as Treacy said ‘no-one is crying’ (easy for him to say – he didn’t have to wear the thing)

But the last laugh goes to the Princesses. Eugenie continues to smile her adorable smile and Beatrice has played the master stroke of auctioning the headpiece on ebay. It’s expected to fetch at least £5,000 for her two favourite good causes, Unicef and Children in Crisis.

Beatrice said ‘, “I've been amazed by the amount of attention the hat has attracted. It's a wonderful opportunity to raise as much money as possible for two fantastic charities. - I hope whoever wins the auction has as much fun with the hat as I have.”

Now that’s what I call real style.

FIFA Corruption allegations – what should England do next?

So FIFA is corrupt, with six executive committee members asking for bribes in return for World Cup votes according to Lord Triesman, former FA (UK Football Association) Chairman.  This is just about as shocking as stating that the earth is round and Katie Price likes publicity. Nothing new there then.

Triesman was speaking at a parliamentary select committee yesterday, a full 5 months after the World Cup tournaments for 2018 and 2022 were awarded to Russia and Qatar respectively. One cannot help but visualise a horse galloping away long before the stable door has been considered– let alone locked.

The clue was pretty much in the decision. As I blogged at the time – the venues that were beneficiaries of the shock selections had many things in common:

•     Patchy (or none at all) footballing history

•     No evidence of a universal love of the game in each nation winning the bid

•     No existing footballing infrastructure

•     Poor technical assessment (Russia) and unsuitable conditions (extreme heat in Qatar)

•     Rich and powerful men, backed by rich and powerful governments leading the bid.

Mmm – I think we can safely say that the final point – with maybe an emphasis on RICH is the key here.

But enough of being a bad loser – how must England react?

Trying to smash the (alleged) corruption within the International governing body for football is a near impossible task, especially while the indominatable, shifty and deeply unlikable Sepp Blatter stays in charge. He has orchestrated almost certain re-election next month.

If we continue to whinge on about our disappointment we will become a laughing stock in the football hierarchy and Triesman’s decision to wait until now to expose this alleged corruption is questionable.

We could walk away from the World Cup altogether and refuse to play a team in the 2018 and 2022 tournaments. But that would achieve very little – apart from exiling our international footballers and robbing the country of at least a faint hope of glory.

No – the best revenge is happiness. And in World Cup terms – happiness is success. The FA need to find a decent, (as in honourable and talented) British manager to lead an International team that is supported in every way to win the trophy. A winter break in the Premiership season to minimise the chances of injury to tired limbs, a supportive national press and an effective PR campaign to engage the fans and increase pride in the team.

Ian Wright, the Arsenal and English player, refused to accept expenses when he played for England because he said that he was so proud to wear the England shirt that he needed no payment. That’s the sort of spirit we need to engender. One of the endearing national characteristics of the English people is that we respond well when our backs are to the wall.

So c’mon Engerland. Leave the politics to one side, concentrate on the beautiful game and plan a strategy to win – not in the corrupt corridors of Football politics – but where it counts -  on the pitch.

Ten reasons I love football:

My Dad: As a native Scot, my father embraced English football when he married an Englishwoman. He stood on the terraces of the Dell, the home of Southampton Football Club, at every home game for many years. When he watched (on TV) the Saints score the winning goal of the FA cup final 7 minutes before the final whistle, Daddy did two things – he sent Mother out of the room because she had a habit of standing in front of the screen at a crucial moment – and he spent the remaining minutes of the match with his head under a cushion – couldn’t bear to watch. So of course I love football.

The legends: From the flawed genius of Georgie Best to the magnificent Bobby Moore.

The quiet dignity of Sir Matt Busby, the surreal quotations of Eric Cantona, and the gentility of Sir Bobby Robson, football history is awash with remarkable characters.

Being part of a huge crowd, mostly wanting the same thing: The atmosphere among a 76,000 strong realm at Old Trafford celebrating as Manchester United score in the 4th minute of extra time is awesome. (I was there to witness the goal scored 36 seconds after kick off against Chelsea this afternoon - the stadium literally rocked)

The agony and the ecstasy: Like any team sport with a limited time frame for each match, the excitement can be breathtaking. Often the result is not guaranteed until that final whistle blows. Penalties?  If you are an England supporter – more agony than ecstasy.

The punditry: Both professional and amateur. Often banal, sometimes amusing, occasionally intelligent, watching the expert and not-so-expert talk football is always a good way to pass the time.

The male totty:  They may be few and far between, but there are some very fit (in the non sporty sense of the word!) footballers on the world stage. Whatever you may think of Christiano Ronaldo – I defy any woman not to admire his torso when he takes his shirt off at the end of a big match. (Even if you don’t like football – tune in for the last few minutes of a big match – the players swap shirts…)

David Beckham: No explanation needed.

A universal language: ‘We woz robbed’ ‘I’m gutted’ and ‘The referee’s a ……’ can be understood across the world.

It’s one of the certainties of life: Like death and taxes – football will always be with us (and a lot more fun than either)

It’s second only to singing for exercising your vocal chords: Screaming at your team, either in disgust or encouragement is so liberating. I tend not to use bad language as I don’t seem to be very good at it but I do have the dubious honour of being cautioned by the stewards at Stamford Bridge (Chelsea’s home ground) for ‘inciting riotous behaviour’

Riotous behaviour? Moi? Gutted……

Voting can be fun…

Whenever I have the opportunity to vote, I always offer a silent prayer of thanks for the efforts of Emmeline Pankhurst and the suffragettes who paved the way for  women to have the opportunity to vote in 1918.

I also consider those so much less fortunate that us in the ‘free world’ who still risk a bullet when they make a stand for democracy.

As I place my X in the appropriate box, I get a feeling of wellbeing, similar (but less uncomfortable) to when I donate blood – the sense that one is making a least some tiny contribution to the common good. And yesterday’s local elections and alternative voting referendum in the UK was no exception.

But on a lighter note - voting can be about so much more than your collective responsibility to society. It can be fun and informative too!

I shall never forget the first time I voted in a general election. Feeling very grown up – at 18 years old, I went with my parents to the local village hall to complete my ballot paper. As with most polling stations – there were free-standing three sided booths, often in groups of four or six, to enable privacy while voting. Dippy at the best of times, my mother forgot who she wanted to vote for, and, pen in hand stepped out of the booth to consult my father. As she walked towards him, pen, attached to booth, still in hand, she dragged four booths with her and left three startled voters – standing anchorless and without means to vote -  in the middle of the hall!

Forward at least three decades and I realise that I am nearly as bad. In the general elections last year. I turned up at our local polling station, another village hall, but took the wrong entrance and ended up in an over 50’s Pilates class! I must confess, I had no idea that exercising your democratic right could be so exhausting….

No such mishaps this year, but I did narrowly miss a Women’s Institute meeting. However, after I voted, as I left the hall I walked past two elderly ladies, sitting outside by the entrance. They were both sporting blue rosettes so one could safely assume they were from Camp Cameron (Camp Cameron – that conjures up an image..)

I wasn’t in a hurry so I stopped for a chat. And very interesting it was too. These ladies were extremely well informed and we had a lively debate on the Tories’ first year in power. We came to the conclusion that we agreed on four key points.

1.      The Tory party’s leadership has been weakened by an apparent desire to avoid upsetting their coalition partners (nothing new there then).

2.      Lansley has got it totally, utterly wrong with the Healthcare Reform plans and Cameron needs to step in and backtrack (I was surprised at this as I assumed that ‘non- medical’ people would rather like the idea of patient and GP power – but even the man in the street can see through the rhetoric).

3.      Cameron was right to wear tails to the Royal Wedding but should never have considered wearing a lounge suit as all Heads of state would either be in Uniform or tails.(For my readers from overseas, there was a lot of press about Cameron fearing that dressing up in top hat and tails would make him seem too posh)  Speaking of Posh – Beckham was happy to wear tails of course!!

4.      And perhaps most important – Samantha Cameron should have worn a hat to the Royal Wedding – her fancy hair decoration was ‘simply not enough’!

So there you have it – if you want to find out about the burning political issues of the day, hang around outside a polling station.

But at all costs – avoid rooms full of middle aged ladies in lycra…..

The Royal Wedding - different thought processes of men and women

She thinks…	He thinks…
What a lovely romantic day!	Great to have a day off!
Kate’s dress is beautiful	Pippa Middleton is hot
The train looks fabulous	Pippa’s bum looks fabulous
I wonder what Harry said to William at the altar?	I wonder if Pippa’s wearing any underwear?
I love the way William smiled at his new bride	I like the way Harry seems to be hitting on Pippa
Gosh - David Beckham is handsome	Gosh - David Beckham is handsome
I’m enjoying seeing what everyone is wearing	I’m enjoying watching Pippa’s rear
Wasn’t it romantic having two kisses in the balcony – they seem so much in love?	Wasn’t it great having two fly pasts – the planes were awesome.
How lovely – the two of them driving out of Buckingham Palace in Charles Car.	Lucky William – driving a vintage Aston Martin
I could watch it all over again	Are the pubs still open?

The inescapable truths of the Royal Wedding:

Many of us are in a happy state of post-wedding euphoria here in the UK. Even the ‘republicans’ and ‘not interested’ became swept up in the tide of good will and sheer joy surrounding the happy couple.

Today the newspapers are full of interesting and amusing commentary about every aspect of the biggest event in the UK for decades and in my home town of Amersham in Buckinghamshire we are no different. Amersham is a lovely small town nestling at the foot of the Chiltern Hills, a stone’s throw from where the Vicar of Dibley was filmed and proud home of the 16^th Century coaching inn  where Four Weddings and a Funeral was filmed.  ‘Grass roots England’ which today provided a good snapshot of the happiest of post mortems. Of course, everyone agreed that Kate was as serene, beautiful and Royal and William as adoring, dashing and ‘surprisingly nervous and normal’ as we could have possibly wished.

Here are the other matters of great importance that have occupied us:

The Middletons got it right: From their stunning daughters to the brilliant reading by their handsome son James. From Kate’s father’s nervous smile and proud bearing as he walked his daughter up the aisle to mother Carol’s inspired choice of a Catherine Walker (Diana’s favourite designer) outfit. With their discretion and patience – right from the moment Kate met William at university – they have played a blinder. If only more of our Royals could be that Royal.

Pippa Middleton is probably the best bridesmaid in the world: Stunning in that dress, viewed very favourably from behind – to have a rear view that stands up to the scrutiny of 2 billion pairs of eyes – this bridesmaid was very special. She was attentive throughout, clearly taking her duties as handmaiden to her sister and surrogate mother to all the little ones – she was just fabulous. And we think someone else thought so too….

Prince Harry is adorable – and we want him to marry Pippa: There seemed to be a frisson between them – it looked like flirting to me as they walked back down the aisle together. Apparently Twitter nearly went into meltdown as the world shared this view. OK so they have ‘significant others’ – but what a great story it would be..

One little bridesmaid was very unhappy: Grace Van Cutsen, only three years old, had to cover her ears to block out the sound of the crowd and the RAF fly past scared her. Bless! I really hope that she can look back on the day as a fond memory. At least she will be able to say ‘I was there’

The two page boys will break a thousand hearts when they’re older. Adorable and no doubt will both be very handsome and very eligible in a decade.

The BBC got it wrong: So wrong. One always tunes in to the Beeb for state occasions but their coverage was deadly. The newsreader anchorman, Huw Edwards, was either ill or his make-up dramatically wrong as his face was a sickly shade of yellow throughout. The commentary was boring and staid, the guests pompous and unimaginative. One annoying young historian was replaced later by a slightly older annoying historian. And a cocky harpist, due to play at the reception who was so far up herself she nearly disappeared… They missed many of the Royals arriving and as the couple emerged from the Abbey – the camera shot moved to the bells. Even a horse which, after unseating his rider, then overtook the Royal coach, was missed.

Best cinematic moment:  The guardsman opening the door of the Queen’s Bentley who was then left standing there as Ma’am exited the other side!

Worst cinematic moment: Jake Humphrey (formula one Grand Prix reporter) trying to broadcast from a 2^nd world war Lancaster Bomber which was taking part in the Royal fly past. He was the nearest shade of grey to death itself, and clearly trying very, very hard not to throw up. Luckily – transmission was ‘lost’ at that moment. Phew!

Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice should not be allowed outside without checking the style police: Sadly, Fergie (Duchess of York)’s daughters have inherited their mother’s penchant for sartorial melt down. What were you thinking girls? You are both very attractive - but one outfit looked primed to receive all satellite channels from the hat – and the other one simply didn’t fit.

David Beckham is unbelievably handsome: ‘Astonishingly handsome’ as one UK newspaper reported today. He looked absolutely gorgeous – and so what if he wore his OBE medal on the wrong lapel – I defy any man woman or child not to love him at some level.

And finally .. Joy is infectious: One thing us Brits are very good at is pomp and circumstance – specialties are weddings and funerals. But this still managed to be a family occasion – two young people sharing the hope of a wonderful, loving happy future together. A hope shared by 2 billion people worldwide. A moment of peace and happiness in a troubled world.

Have a go at predicting the outfits for the Royal Wedding

	Prediction	Score
Kate’s Dress
Colour(cream/offwhite/ivory/oyster/white)
Train (none/short/medium/long)
Sleeves? (none/short/long/three quarter)
Headdress (Tiara/flowers/other)
Hair (up/down/half and half)
Bouquet (tied bunch/draping)
Bridesmaids:
Colour:
Royals – predict colour outfit/accessories
Queen
Princess Anne
Camilla
Zara
Beatrice
Eugenie
Middletons – colour outfit/accessories
Mother or the bride
Timings (precise)
Time spent by couple on the balcony
The precise moment of the kiss
Will anyone fluff their lines? Y/N
TOTAL

Royal Wedding Predictions

Here are my guesses – have a go yourself for some Royal Wedding fun

	Prediction	Score
Kate’s Dress
Colour(cream/offwhite/ivory/oyster/white)	white
Train (none/short/medium/long)	short
Sleeves? (none/short/long/three quarter)	Three quarter
Headdress (Tiara/flowers/other)	Tiara
Hair (up/down/half and half)	Half and half
Bouquet (tied bunch/draping)	draping
Bridesmaids:
Colour:	white
Royals – predict colour outfit/accessories
Queen	Lemon/lemon
Princess Anne	Pale green/navy
Camilla	Pale blue/same
Zara Phillips	Red/ black
Beatrice	Purple /black
Eugenie	Blue /cream
Middletons – colour outfit/accessories
Mother or the bride	Cerise/black
Timings (precise)
Time spent by couple on the balcony	6 minutes
The precise moment of the kiss	1.17
Will anyone fluff their lines? Y/N	yes
TOTAL