The inescapable truths of the Royal Wedding:

Many of us are in a happy state of post-wedding euphoria here in the UK. Even the ‘republicans’ and ‘not interested’ became swept up in the tide of good will and sheer joy surrounding the happy couple.

Today the newspapers are full of interesting and amusing commentary about every aspect of the biggest event in the UK for decades and in my home town of Amersham in Buckinghamshire we are no different. Amersham is a lovely small town nestling at the foot of the Chiltern Hills, a stone’s throw from where the Vicar of Dibley was filmed and proud home of the 16^th Century coaching inn  where Four Weddings and a Funeral was filmed.  ‘Grass roots England’ which today provided a good snapshot of the happiest of post mortems. Of course, everyone agreed that Kate was as serene, beautiful and Royal and William as adoring, dashing and ‘surprisingly nervous and normal’ as we could have possibly wished.

Here are the other matters of great importance that have occupied us:

The Middletons got it right: From their stunning daughters to the brilliant reading by their handsome son James. From Kate’s father’s nervous smile and proud bearing as he walked his daughter up the aisle to mother Carol’s inspired choice of a Catherine Walker (Diana’s favourite designer) outfit. With their discretion and patience – right from the moment Kate met William at university – they have played a blinder. If only more of our Royals could be that Royal.

Pippa Middleton is probably the best bridesmaid in the world: Stunning in that dress, viewed very favourably from behind – to have a rear view that stands up to the scrutiny of 2 billion pairs of eyes – this bridesmaid was very special. She was attentive throughout, clearly taking her duties as handmaiden to her sister and surrogate mother to all the little ones – she was just fabulous. And we think someone else thought so too….

Prince Harry is adorable – and we want him to marry Pippa: There seemed to be a frisson between them – it looked like flirting to me as they walked back down the aisle together. Apparently Twitter nearly went into meltdown as the world shared this view. OK so they have ‘significant others’ – but what a great story it would be..

One little bridesmaid was very unhappy: Grace Van Cutsen, only three years old, had to cover her ears to block out the sound of the crowd and the RAF fly past scared her. Bless! I really hope that she can look back on the day as a fond memory. At least she will be able to say ‘I was there’

The two page boys will break a thousand hearts when they’re older. Adorable and no doubt will both be very handsome and very eligible in a decade.

The BBC got it wrong: So wrong. One always tunes in to the Beeb for state occasions but their coverage was deadly. The newsreader anchorman, Huw Edwards, was either ill or his make-up dramatically wrong as his face was a sickly shade of yellow throughout. The commentary was boring and staid, the guests pompous and unimaginative. One annoying young historian was replaced later by a slightly older annoying historian. And a cocky harpist, due to play at the reception who was so far up herself she nearly disappeared… They missed many of the Royals arriving and as the couple emerged from the Abbey – the camera shot moved to the bells. Even a horse which, after unseating his rider, then overtook the Royal coach, was missed.

Best cinematic moment:  The guardsman opening the door of the Queen’s Bentley who was then left standing there as Ma’am exited the other side!

Worst cinematic moment: Jake Humphrey (formula one Grand Prix reporter) trying to broadcast from a 2^nd world war Lancaster Bomber which was taking part in the Royal fly past. He was the nearest shade of grey to death itself, and clearly trying very, very hard not to throw up. Luckily – transmission was ‘lost’ at that moment. Phew!

Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice should not be allowed outside without checking the style police: Sadly, Fergie (Duchess of York)’s daughters have inherited their mother’s penchant for sartorial melt down. What were you thinking girls? You are both very attractive - but one outfit looked primed to receive all satellite channels from the hat – and the other one simply didn’t fit.

David Beckham is unbelievably handsome: ‘Astonishingly handsome’ as one UK newspaper reported today. He looked absolutely gorgeous – and so what if he wore his OBE medal on the wrong lapel – I defy any man woman or child not to love him at some level.

And finally .. Joy is infectious: One thing us Brits are very good at is pomp and circumstance – specialties are weddings and funerals. But this still managed to be a family occasion – two young people sharing the hope of a wonderful, loving happy future together. A hope shared by 2 billion people worldwide. A moment of peace and happiness in a troubled world.

Have a go at predicting the outfits for the Royal Wedding

	Prediction	Score
Kate’s Dress
Colour(cream/offwhite/ivory/oyster/white)
Train (none/short/medium/long)
Sleeves? (none/short/long/three quarter)
Headdress (Tiara/flowers/other)
Hair (up/down/half and half)
Bouquet (tied bunch/draping)
Bridesmaids:
Colour:
Royals – predict colour outfit/accessories
Queen
Princess Anne
Camilla
Zara
Beatrice
Eugenie
Middletons – colour outfit/accessories
Mother or the bride
Timings (precise)
Time spent by couple on the balcony
The precise moment of the kiss
Will anyone fluff their lines? Y/N
TOTAL

Royal Wedding Predictions

Here are my guesses – have a go yourself for some Royal Wedding fun

	Prediction	Score
Kate’s Dress
Colour(cream/offwhite/ivory/oyster/white)	white
Train (none/short/medium/long)	short
Sleeves? (none/short/long/three quarter)	Three quarter
Headdress (Tiara/flowers/other)	Tiara
Hair (up/down/half and half)	Half and half
Bouquet (tied bunch/draping)	draping
Bridesmaids:
Colour:	white
Royals – predict colour outfit/accessories
Queen	Lemon/lemon
Princess Anne	Pale green/navy
Camilla	Pale blue/same
Zara Phillips	Red/ black
Beatrice	Purple /black
Eugenie	Blue /cream
Middletons – colour outfit/accessories
Mother or the bride	Cerise/black
Timings (precise)
Time spent by couple on the balcony	6 minutes
The precise moment of the kiss	1.17
Will anyone fluff their lines? Y/N	yes
TOTAL

Are men missing a listening gene?

The word ‘listen’ is appearing excessively in the UK news at the moment. The UK health secretary, Andrew Lansley, has been accused on not listening to over 1 million employees of the state funded health system and many experts, advising him that the restructure is unworkable. According to a senior civil servant, Lansley is the ‘worst listener’ he has worked with in a long career serving health ministers.

Now the Prime Minister and Deputy PM have launched a campaign to ‘pause, listen, reflect and improve’

But are men actually any good at listening? Women are renowned as good listeners, but I will freely admit that we also like to talk and share – a lot!

As men get older, they tend to suffer from a well known condition ‘selective deafness’. This complicated filtering system enables them to hear the television, to hear you call ‘dinner’s ready’ and their mates inviting them for a drink. But strangely – ‘can you put the cat out/the tap in the bathroom needs fixing/where shall we go on holiday this year’ becomes white noise, inaudible to the male human ear. Fascinating.

My late, much beloved husband was a fantastic listener in the early days of romance. He would l watch my face intently, his head tilted slightly to one side, his eyes, rich pools of dark treacle, hanging on my every word.  Fast forward to twenty years later and ‘are you listening to me’ was my common cry as he kept his finger on the point in the newspaper he had reached when I tried to talk to him. If we had something important to discuss where I needed his full attention, (like the time he surprised me with a gift of two Labrador puppies and I completely freaked) we used to go out for a meal. This tactic was designed to ensure that a) he wasn’t distracted so would listen and b) I couldn’t yell in a public place!

My grandmother used to believe that men’s listening skills involved ‘in one ear and out the other’ which could explain a lot.

Research has shown that men and women display different listening behaviours. Women need more affirmation that they are being listened to. We need to see the head tilted in concentration, frequent nodding, and obvious engagement. Whereas men were found to view frequent nodding as a sign of absolute agreement.

So it may be that women aren’t better listeners, we are just better at pretending to listen!

In Los Angeles, a recent poll found that a third of women felt that their pet’s listened to them more than their husband. On the other hand, there is a UK dating agency that specifically looks for Japanese brides as apparently they are much more ‘silent and attentive’ than Englishwomen.

I guess there are two sides to every story.....

Wayne Rooney – the ugly side of football

Yesterday the Football Association (FA) gave Wayne Rooney a two match ban for swearing into a television camera during a match on Saturday. At first glance this may seem an excessive punishment, especially for Rooney’s team, Manchester United, as they enter a crucial phase in the lead up to the climax of the Premiership title race.

But, even though I am a Manchester united season ticket holder, I applaud the FA (and it’s not often I say that) and their decision.

I was watching the match on TV at the weekend. It was an exciting spectacle, with Man U pulling back from a first half 2 – 0 deficit with three goals from Rooney in the space of 15 minutes in the second half. It was my idea of a perfect Saturday – slow start to the day then settling in to a favourite armchair to watch my favourite team play my favourite sport. Like all armchair fans that afternoon, I leapt up as the penalty went in. Rooney’s team mates swamped him as footballers do in celebration, but then he shook them off and turned to the camera, his face contorted into an ugly mass of hatred. With what can only be described as pure venom and raw anger, he swore audibly, and for even those hard of hearing, there could be no doubt as to the words he so clearly mouthed. I literally stepped back – the verbal attack suddenly feeling very personal.

The joy of the game was gone for me in an instant.

What a wonderful contrast a few minutes later as Hernandez scored United’s fourth goal. He stood still, eyes heavenward, arms outstretched, with a smile that was like liquid sunshine. It could have melted icebergs. His joy was the joy of hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of spectators all over the world.

Another fine contrast to the miserable Rooney is the goalkeeper, Edwin Van Der Sar, who has served his team brilliantly since 2005, and remained constant in his demeanour and professionalism even as his wife fought a life threatening illness last year. Most, if not all, of Rooney’s off pitch concerns are of his own making. Through greed, lack of control or sheer ignorance.

I hope that Sir Alex Ferguson does not contest this two match ban, even though it may have  consequences for the team. I also hope that Rooney goes on to score many more goals for us till the end of the season so his value on the transfer market goes up.

Then I hope Manchester United will sell him. I don’t want to see that nasty face of football at Old Trafford next year.

Thank you Mum.

In the UK this Sunday is Mother’s day – and my first without my mother. Even though she suffered from severe dementia for the last ten years of her life, my Mum will be very much missed on this special day for mothers.

So I thought I would send her one last card, with my thanks.

Thank you for:                                                                             

Helping me believe I can do anything: This was such a powerful message that I even applied to join the first UK astronaut programme in 1987. The really scary thing is that I got through the first round of applications and am terrified of heights!

Telling me that childbirth is ‘as easy as falling off a log’: Of course it isn’t – but I went into the labour room perfectly calm which I am sure contributed to the very easy birth of my daughter.

Being a fantastic Granny: Staying with Granny and Granddad was always a great adventure for my daughter and niece. And thank you for loving your step grandchildren too.

Teaching me that cooking is about love: You were always a wonderful hostess, even though the kitchen looked like a crime scene afterwards.

Your courage: In joining the Royal Navy during the second world war, and having the courage to marry a ‘poor Scottish sailor’ despite your parents’ disapproval.

Showing me that there really is such a thing as true love: Your love story and long years of marriage gave me the patience to wait for the right one and recognise my true love when I met him.

Teaching me to like gin and tonic: Alcohol was never a mystery or forbidden fruit to so I believe I have a healthy relationship with it.(and very rarely get drunk!!)

Helping me understand that fun, family time and generally enjoying life is much, much more important than housework: Perhaps telling your granddaughter that women with tidy cupboards have very small brains was a little extreme!

Being terribly funny: Even when you didn’t mean to!

Really embarrassing your children: It meant that I have been able to do the same with mine!

Being there when I needed you: getting up at 5am to be with me when my late husband had surgery and managing to keep me occupied and relatively sane whole as waited for him to come out of the operating theatre.

Being fiercely proud of your children: we have all grown up to be pretty confident individuals with a good sense of self worth.

Teaching me independence: If I didn’t press my school uniform, no-one else would.

For my genes: Pity about the bunions and my short sight, but good skin, good health and hopefully longevity are all precious gifts.

If there is a Heaven, I have no doubt you will be there, causing your own very special brand of happy chaos, surrounded by those we have lost but still love.