Ten things women (and some men) need to know about football:

It’s not a matter of life and death: Really, it’s not. But as Bill Shankly, the legendary Liverpool manager stated, ‘I assure you, it’s more serious than that’. I must confess during the Euro ’96 penalty shoot out , England vs Germany, it felt pretty serious and very painful.

Football really is a game of two halves: Many a match has been transformed by the half time team talk or clever substitutions. A good example is the 2005 Champions League final when Liverpool were 3-0 down in the first half which was transformed in the second half into a 3-3 draw and subsequent win on penalties. The Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson’s ‘hairdryer’ treatment (when he delivers a verbal onslaught to the team) has been shown to be highly effective in many a second half turnaround.

Don’t leave before the final whistle: Manchester United were 1-0 down against Bayern Munich in the 1999 Champions League final with 1 minute to go. Man U scored in the 1^st and 3^rd minute of injury time. And my husband nearly had a heart attack.

The England football team: Haven’t won anything since 1966

A penalty: Is something that England players miss on a regular basis.

A dive: Is what you do in the box in front of the goal if you want a penalty

Footballers writhe around in agony when they get tackled: Because they want the perpetrator to be given a red or yellow card and because they are sissies. Funnily enough, when they are really hurt they don’t make a fuss and are big brave soldiers.

FIFA stands for: Federation Internationale de Football Association.  Or old Fogeys Intent on F****** up A beautiful game

Sepp Blatter: President of FIFA.  Very popular in Russia and Qatar. Rest of the world? Not so much.

‘We was robbed’: Is what you must say every time your team loses a match.